im not emo. im juz sensitive. wadever.

people err. people fully feel wadz dearest to them when they lose them.
but people do change. how willing are you to embrace this change, and give him another chance?

life's not a bed of roses, esp nowadaes..
academic commitments are accelerating.. projects, assignments, essays, presentations, mid-term tests comin up..
aint easy to make good frens the way i had to commence my life in smu.. injury ruled mi outta freshmen orientation and biz camp..
and most importantly, losing something most precious to u certainly affects u drastically, no matter how u take things in ur stride or think positively..
in EVERYTHING u do, u think abt it. in EVERYTHING u do, u try to make amends.
believing that a there is a transformation in urself is not enuff.. others may not feel it and may even mock at it based on past experience.
we muz be cautious in things we do as well as the process of doing things.
at any moment in time, onli u urself can understand fully how u feel.
others can share either this joy or sadness wif u, but they cant fully comprehend the emotion that goes through u at the very instant, considering all the circumstances at that point of time..
take a childhood experience for example. as a kid of 5 or 6 yrs old, i got mercilessly railed at by a cousin in his 20s for spoiling one of his game consoles. that sort of feeling deep inside, the helpless-ness while being remorseful, choked wif tears and unable even to apologize. that was definitely a lasting impression..
now tt i've grown up, different situations arise.
how about knowing that u haf changed, a totally different outlook in life, from negative to positive in many aspects, but someone most precious has already given up on u. as this is happening, u are thrown into university life wif totally zero headstart in terms of good frens to smoothen the journey. tts secondary..
u knoe wad u've done wrong, u knoe wad shud be done, and u r trying to make things right again.
but most of the times, mistakes, even when they're realized and sth is actually done abt it, are not condoned. wad abt a chance to redeem myself? m i like an ex-convict whose life is condemned for life? i need a yellow-ribbon project for myself..
noone, except for myself, can fully understand wad im going thru.. others may sae i brought this upon myself, tell mi to move on, tell mi that there was the part of my life i was without this someone, etc etc etc.. all this i totally disregard.
i knoe who i love, and i knoe wad i shud do. i wun gif up unless i m told by this person to, or that i m told in the face tt the feeling's not mutual animore.
so wad if there's another guy who is more matured, who knoes how to drive and can chauffeur around, who may be better looking, etc.
no doubt it's depressing to notice the attention shifting away from me, and given the cold shoulder at times, one of the people to "save sms-es" on and so on.. the basis of it all, is that i still love that person.
on so many discouraging moments my mind and heart haf threatened to break down.. and tears juz flow uncontrollably.. it's juz so heart-wrenching and painful.. the face tt u used to smile when u first see, now u juz feel like crying when u see that someone, knowing that the status is different now.

i've realized, i've repented. i love, i hope, and i put faith in love and hope.
hoping that faith and love can tide me over to a desirable outcome :)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

—I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

i really think this is a lovely verse. altho im not Christian.. but i believe in it..